There’s a photo of a formal place setting going around Facebook. Again. I see it at least a few times a year. It irritates me to no end, but so far, I’ve only taken the time to comment on the post each time I see it. Most recently, this was last November. I kept the last post I saw it on open to remind myself to write about it — whenever I got around to setting up my blog. So, here we are.
I think it’s worth sharing why it irritates me to a bigger audience than those who are friends with the person who posts it each time. There are other variations too that make me just as aggravated: rules that whoever picks up their device first pays for everyone, gift ideas that are boxes of some sort – some which lock – that you are required to put your device in before you’re allowed to join the meal, and so forth.
Here’s the photo that circulates the most in case you’re not familiar with it:
This is why it irritates me:
1. This is a very formal place setting that most people are not using on a daily basis. But people who share this almost always do so with the implied or blatant understanding that there should never be a place for a cell phone (or tablet) at meal time.
2. It is ableist. It doesn’t take into any consideration that not everyone is able to communicate the same way. And if it is easier for you to communicate with a device, or if that is the only way you can communicate, that is not going to suddenly change because the meal went from casual to formal, or anywhere in between.
3. It shames people who need to have their device with them during meals. And this isn’t just disabled people. People in the medical field, for example, need to be reachable. Anyone who is on-call for a support position.
A. However, in the on-call type positions, most people say, “Oh, I didn’t mean them.” (And implied that because they’ll still be communicating “normally,” that having that on-call device is okay — oh, and because they might get a call to help save a life, it’s all okay.
B. I’m not knocking those people. They definitely need to be reachable and shouldn’t be penalized for it.
But just because I’m not saving a life, being on-call, etc, with my iPad, doesn’t mean you get to penalize me for needing to have it at the table. I can speak with my mouth, yes, but sometimes I get so exasperated, I get tripped up and it’s easier for me to write down what I mean.
Or I feel a meltdown coming on, and that device will help ground me so that I don’t have to walk away from the gathering and be on my own — or at least, I can put that off for a little longer.
When you tell us there’s no place at the table for our devices, you’re telling us that you’d rather we be unable to communicate, or so stressed that even if we could communicate without the device, soon we won’t be able to and/or will have to leave the meal altogether.
Which is really more important? Time with us? Or time without us so that you can have an electronic-free table?
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