These last few months, I’ve seen a ridiculous increase in the number of Facebook posts asking people to share … whatever, to show their support for a cause, condition, or person. Lately, it’s been a condition; and 99% of the time, in my news feed at least, that condition is Depression.
And many of these posts says that Depression is something everyone (or at least, 1 in 3) suffers from. Most people, I won’t say everyone just to be safe, do feel sad at some point in their lives, and I think that it has become just a phrase to say, I feel depressed without any real understanding of what Depression truly is. It’s not just about being sad.
What is Depression?
Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn’t worth living.
More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn’t a weakness and you can’t simply “snap out” of it. Depression may require long-term treatment. But don’t get discouraged. Most people with depression feel better with medication, psychological counseling or both.
There’s an endless number of these kinds of posts going around, all with different variations, so I’m sure you’ve seen at least one of them. But here’s an example with suicide mentioned:
Many people think that a suicide attempt is a selfish move because the person just does not care about the people left behind. I can tell you that when a person gets to that point, they truly believe that their loved ones will be much better off with them gone.This is mental illness not selfishness. TRUTH: Depression is a terrible disease and seems relentless. A lot of us have been close to that edge, or dealt with family members in a crisis, and some have lost friends and loved ones. Let’s look out for each other and stop sweeping mental illness under the rug. If I don’t see your name, I’ll understand. May I ask my family and friends wherever you might be, to kindly copy and paste this status for one hour to give a moment of support to all those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just need to know that someone cares. Do it for all of us, for nobody is immune. Hope to see this on the walls of all my family and friends just for moral support. I know some will!!! I did it for a friend and you can too. You have to copy and paste this one, no sharing. thank you.
And here’s one without:
Depression, anxiety and panic attacks are NOT a sign of weakness. They are signs of having tried to remain strong for way too long. Would you post this on your wall, for 1 hour? Most people won’t but it’s Mental Health Awareness Week*. Did you know that 1 in 3 of us will go through this at some point in our lives? Share the support! I did it for a friend! Let those who struggle know they’re not alone, that they are loved and surrounded by a lot of people who care!!!
And then there are the near-daily inspirational quotes which show up in my feed, many, again, about depression, choosing to be happy, and so forth, which completely ignore the fact that you can’t just choose to not be depressed! If all you post on Facebook, Twitter, or whatever social media you’re using, and you realize some of your close friends never seem to see your posts, but are still your friends on that site, they may have unfollowed you. I have had to unfollow good friends who post those kinds of quotes, almost exclusively. They really rubbed me the wrong way, especially since there are so many every day. And in private conversations, where I thought they were a good enough friend that I could share I was depressed? Here come the platitudes! I still like them a lot. They are a good friend generally. But not someone I cant trust my feelings with, unfortunately.
Ex: “People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” (credited to Abraham Lincoln)
If you truly are depressed (which includes dysthymia), you can’t, you don’t, just choose to be that way. You can’t just wake up one day, and say, “Today I will be happy instead!” It doesn’t work that way.
Dysthymia (dis-THIE-me-uh) is a mild but long-term (chronic) form of depression. Symptoms usually last for at least two years, and often for much longer than that.
Depression IS terrible. If you’re at the point where you’re truly considering suicide, or if you know someone who did commit suicide, do you really think that if they see (or had seen) one of these posts pop up in their news feed that it will make a difference?
This is what it says to me: We’ve all felt bad before. Sometimes really badly. And there’s probably someone I’m friends with who needs to hear positive words, so I’ll share this for the hour I’m asked to (and probably more because I’ll forget I shared it and leave it up forever, but I’m only leaving it up because I forgot about it), and, yay! I was an activist today. I did something good for people in a bad place. Go me!
Now, I know some incredibly caring people who have shared this. And I know several people who have shared this who have lost someone to suicide. And I know people who are dealing with depression. And I’ve dealt with/am currently dealing with Depression (like, actual depression when you go see a therapist). I have not been medicated for Depression because most medicines and me are unmixy things.
And we do need to talk about depression, because sweeping it under the rug just makes those of us who are dealing with it feel ashamed of how we feel on top of the depression. This is not a good combination. We didn’t choose to be depressed; don’t shame us for something we cannot help.
Everyone seems to share the same handful of posts. Even the people who have, or have had, family who really do need their support, they don’t change the words any, which means there’s not a lot of thought behind it. So it falls flat.
You’re better off not sharing these statuses altogether.
Why?
Where were you the rest of the year? Which friend did you ‘sacrifice’ for in sharing (or copy/pasting) this status? Nearly every single one of these says they shared for a friend! And maybe the original person who wrote these really did do it for a friend. And I’m willing to agree that some of the people, some, sharing these really have been there. Really have lost a beloved person to suicide. But there is no way that every single person who has shared these has been there. I’ve seen this too many times by too many people.
Do you know, really know, which of your friends struggles while putting up a cheerful front?
Do you know why they struggle?
Telling the world at large you’re there is actually pretty empty.
I’ve actually tried to talk to some of these people who share these platitudes about my struggles, and most people? They didn’t want to hear it. “Cheer up! Think about what you have to be thankful for! It will be better tomorrow! Life is amazing!” — These are not things you tell a person who is Depressed; whether it is clinical depression or situational depression. Or both.
When you tell me those things, you are telling me that (1) you don’t care and (2) you don’t actually have time for me like your status implied. And what’s really sad, is some of those people have said I’m one of their best friends, or one of their closest friends.
But only when I’m sharing happy things, evidently.
In closing, here is a short list of things you should never say to a depressed person. I’ve heard all of them and they just made me feel worse.
There are plenty more things you should not say, but this should at least get you thinking! And a challenge for you: Can you come up with something appropriate to say in place of any of these statements? Feel free to share in the comments, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
- You should just get over it.
- Think about what you have to be grateful for.
- Your life isn’t that bad.
- So-and-so has it way worse.
- You’re just being dramatic.
- Stop being so negative, you’re bringing everyone around you down.
- Life’s not fair. Suck it up.
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
- It’s your own fault. (or It’s your own fault because you . . . .)
- I know how you feel, I was really down for a few days last year.**
- Have you tried (prescription drugs, herbal tea, therapy, group therapy, et cetera)?
*Mental Illness Awareness Week (aka Mental Health Awareness Week) was established by the US Congress in 1990; it takes place annually in the first full week of October. In the UK, it occurs in May. For 2016, it is May 16-22.
**It is possible to have one, short episode of major depression, but most people have multiple/reoccurring episodes.
Facebook Comments